Having a physical relationship in marriage is often just as important as when you are dating. Of course, children get in the way by running your energy levels down to zero, but there are always a couple of hours in the evening for the two of you to have some special time together. It is true that sex becomes less of a priority over everything else that happens in married life, but it remains very important between you.
If you are considering marriage, you may not have put too much thought into how sex will change between you. Yet you may have thought about having children with your soon-to-be-spouse. This involves unprotected sex. It is possible that neither of you has ever had unprotected sex or at least not with each other. When you are about to consider marrying someone, it is certainly time to discuss it.
The sexual history of your partner may not trouble you. You love your other half no matter what. But it should trouble you. What has happened before may affect their ability to contribute to having a baby. If you are keen for children, you may both want to check there are no infections or STDs that may get in the way of that. Even if you are both positive you have always been safe, you can get accurate testing to confirm there is nothing to worry about.
Some marriages start with these important tests as they form part of a prenuptial agreement. Others ignore this and then struggle to deal with the consequences of passed on infections that may not have been anyone’s fault. If you are getting married to someone, having these tests does not suggest you don’t trust each other, but rather that you respect the future you want to have with each other.
Sex in marriage can go off the boil, but this needn’t be anything to do with an illness or infection. Often as we age, men find they are less enthusiastic about intercourse anyway, regardless of the relationship they are in. We also get tired, particularly when we have kids. Cuddling and other displays of affection can be enough for most people most of the time, but when you want to have sex, it still needs to be about love and fun, as it always was.
If you find one or both of you are struggling to find your libido, you could talk to each other about it, and then seek some counselling together to see if there is a problem. If you suspect a physical problem, speak to your doctor. Hormone levels can change for a number of reasons, including age. As hormones drive our desire to have sex, this could be an area for you look into. Stress affects hormones as does diet and fitness, so try to improve these things if you can. Sex for the sake of a happy marriage can quickly lead to an unhappy breakdown so don’t feel obliged to perform for your partner. Instead, find the pleasure in the act and enjoy the intimacy it brings with the love of your life.
